Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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