I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Never joke about your clitoris.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
