I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
