I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
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