high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
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He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
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