You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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