He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
