Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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