You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
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