I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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