Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
I'm really busy with my period
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