I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize