I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
