My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
