He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
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Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
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He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
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