so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
