new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Watching her eat just hurts me
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
