she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
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