She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
