you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Randomize
