Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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