Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Randomize
