In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Randomize
