she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
