took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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