Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
