Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
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