I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Randomize
