just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I want to walk on stilts...naked
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
even my farts smell like vagina
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Randomize
