If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
