Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
