I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Just high enough for therapy.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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