If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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