he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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