Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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