Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
