spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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