i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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