i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
