I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
