The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
