yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
