When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I need moral support for this bender
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
