I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
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