I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Randomize
