They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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