Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
