i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
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