I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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