Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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