did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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