YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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