Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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