i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
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