we have officially lost it.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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