this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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