Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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