I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
